i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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