when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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