apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
