Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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