college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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