someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
