UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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