I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
