you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
