i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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