I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
