Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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