Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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