I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
