Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
