i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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