I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
