whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
