3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
