Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
only if we run a train.
done.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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