i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
