he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
barbara walters just said penis...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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