Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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