I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
