just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
