There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
