Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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