Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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