well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
