No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
