shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
