Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
