I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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