How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
