I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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