I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
