that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
