So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
