I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
