Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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