How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We're too hungover to prance.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
