Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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