So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
