Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
