I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
