I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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