No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
