Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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