You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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