he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
