I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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