If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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