I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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