His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
