Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
