I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
