I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
