I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
