Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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