Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
