Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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