This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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