i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
