Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize