11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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