sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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