I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
