did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
