I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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