I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
