I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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