No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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