Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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