I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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