I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
