We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have aggressive nipples.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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