morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
