I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
