My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
