Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
