mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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