I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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