...so i touched it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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