I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
