Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
