I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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