its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
