i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
