May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
