Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
