WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
