I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
