@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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